Sat 1 & Sun 2 June 2024, Brockwell Park, London

Our very own Mystic Meg gives you an insight into what to expect for the next month [just don’t ask for their credentials, alright…]


In the words of Avril Lavigne, chill out, whatcha yelling for? We know you bloody love to succeed, but kick back a little this year, let someone else order the taxi. You’re already way ahead of the rest of us, so take a chill pill and let yourself breathe a bit. 2023 is the year you let your hair down. 

Get those creative juices flowing! 2023 is the year you absolutely slay the Mighty Hoopla costume game, because we know you love to flex those gorgeous creative muscles. We’re talking sequins, glitter, feathers, latex, rubber… the lot. If there’s one person who can make all of that work, it’s you. 

Our favourite silvery fish, the Pisces gang. We’re going to need you to start channeling that emotional energy somewhere, because we can’t keep crying in the toilets with you when our fave tunes are on. We suggest journaling, maybe beat poetry, but please do not start your own podcast. The world simply has too many. 

Aries – the only friend trusted with being the Whatsapp group admin. Your powers in leadership are unrivalled, but maybe try and pass the baton down to someone else this year to take the pressure off you. It’s time someone else learnt the arts of hailing down a taxi at 3am with 4 friends, 2 of which are snogging, 2 of which are barely coherent. 

2023 is the year you let yourself dream, Taurus fans. We know you like to keep your head to the ground, and your plans firmly on planet Earth, but widen your net out this year and who knows what you can achieve. Note: We don’t mean trying to climb onto the stage to dance with Kelly Rowland at Hoopla. Stay a little closer to reality, please. 

OK Gemini we see you – you’re ready to make 2023 your playground. We are here for that energy! Mess around, laugh, playfully steal a cutie’s hat on the dance floor… but remember to choose your playmates wisely. 

It’s time to get out of your shell and travel, Cancers! We know you love your home comforts, but 2023 is the year you broaden your horizons and get out there – the world needs your energy. But, if you feel like that’s slightly too ambitious, a trip to Brockwell Park on the 3rd and 4th June will suffice. 

Is it you? Are you the drama? Yes, you are, and we love you for it – but maybe it’s time to stop with the gossiping and channel that energy somewhere else… like, an amateur dramatic society! We can totally see you living your best Sharpay life on the stage of a community hall theatre, belting out a show tune or two. Give it a go. 

We know you’ve got it all sorted, Virgos, so how about sharing some of that practical knowledge with the rest of us? Kim Kardashian started as Paris Hilton’s wardrobe organiser, so we reckon you could be the next big thing if you started your own life coaching business. Start off by offering advice to everyone in the smoking area, then make it global baby. 

Everybody’s BFF, we know that Libra’s will be looking to broaden their friendship groups even wider this year, and we’re here for it. Make it your mission to befriend every door person in your local town, and be number one hun for guestlist. Not only will you make 100s of new besties, but you’ll party like never before. 

OK, it’s time to spill the tea this year Scorpios. As Little Mix would say, don’t cha keep it all to yourself. You don’t need to hold all your emotions inside, a problem shared is a problem halved, so let us in this year plz.


The funniest of the starsigns [sorry we don’t make the rules.], we wanna see you getting those belly laughs out to a wider audience. Set up a TikTok, do a stand up comedy night, we want to see the world laughing along with your ridiculous jokes. NOTE: We will not be held responsible for any painful silences, this starsign is just a guide…